We All Want To Be Captivating 8


I know, I know!   I’ve been busy and haven’t done a post in over a month!  I released a book so you have been stuck with boring promo posts (I hated those as a reader, I try to keep them to a minimum), then I went on vacation, then I got sick.  But today I’m doing a new post and I’m back!!!  I’m working on my third book and am hoping it’ll be out sometime in November.

Today I’m doing a post on the book Captivating:  Unveiling the Mystery of a Woman’s Soul

I tried reading this book ten years ago and couldn’t successfully complete it.  The book dredged up too many sad memories of a my childhood and I found myself sobbing more than I could handle. I’m trying again and believe I’ll succeed this time.

Here is a snippet of the blurb for this book….“Every woman was once a little girl. And every little girl holds in her heart her most precious dreams. She longs to be swept up into a romance, to play an irreplaceable role in a great adventure, to be the Beauty of the story. And yet, how many women do you know who ever find that life?”

Stasi Eldridge notes that every woman she has met feels “a sense of failing at what she does.  An underlying gut feeling of failing.  I’m not enough, and I’m too much at the same time.  Not pretty enough, not thin enough, not kind enough, not gracious enough, not disciplined enough.  But too emotional, too needy, too sensitive, too strong, too opinionated, too messy.  The result is SHAME, the universal companion of women.” 

That resonated with me so strongly, I had to put the Kindle down and get a cup of coffee and think.  Women are so complicated.  We never feel we measure up…..measure up to what?  We aren’t even sure most of the time.  Other women’s opinions–media, peers, coworkers, mothers, grandmothers, cousins, friends, etc.

She continues:   “Little boys want to know, Do I have what it takes?  All that rough and tumble, all that daring and superhero dress up, all of that is a boy seeking to prove that he does have what it takes.  

Little girls want to know, Am I Lovely?  The twirling skirts, the dress up, the longing to be pretty and to be seen–that is what that’s all about.”    

 We all wish to be captivating, lovely, or endearing.

adjective: captivating
                                                        capable of attracting and holding interest; charming.
adjective: endearing
                                                                                inspiring love or affection.
“an endearing little grin”
synonyms: lovable, adorable, cute, sweet, dear, delightful, lovely, charming, appealing, attractive, engaging, winning, captivating, enchanting, beguiling, winsome;

“the baby ducklings are endearing”

Look at those adjectives–I love those!  All of them. I love when someone says I’m adorable, lovely, sweet, delightful, lovable…..they’re all words that make you smile.  They make you feel like you’re five again.

I loved this story from the book–it is, in a nutshell, a story that fits every woman from 3 to 103:  “When I was a girl of maybe five years old, I remember standing on top of the coffee table in my grandparents’ living room and singing my heart out.  I wanted to capture attention.  I wanted to be captivating.   We all did.  But for most of us, the answer to our Question (Am I lovely?) when we were young was ‘No, there is nothing captivating about you. Get off the coffee table.’ Nearly all a woman does in her adult life is fueled by her longing to be delighted in, her longing to be beautiful, to be irreplaceable, to have her Question answered ‘Yes!'”

Okay, so where am I going with this?  I’m moving believe me. This is the last quote from this book (I think):
“A woman in the presence of a good man, a real man, loves being a woman.  His strength allows her feminine heart to flourish.  His pursuit draws out her beauty.  And a man in the presence of a real woman loves being a man.  Her beauty arouses him to play the man, it draws out his strength.  She inspires him to be a hero.  Would that we all were so fortunate.”

Another author friend and I were discussing this one day and this was how I ended up buying this book again.   We were discussing how society has changed how men are men and women are women.   Women love getting dressed up and having a man dote on her, opening doors,putting his hand in the small of her back, having heads turn when she walks into a room or even a conference room.   But, we’ve made it so men can’t acknowledge a woman in most settings now.   They can’t openly say, “Wow you look awesome in that dress!” or “Shit, those heels look amazing on you!” or “Here let me help you carry those.”   And, in the process men are emasculated and women are left feeling less than captivating.

We have to deal within the confines of society and the workplace–we don’t have much of a choice in those arenas.  But at home, I think we can reclaim all of this by delving into DD or D/s (or whatever form of it you have at your house).   I’ve seen such a change in our dynamic since we’ve started D/s.  This is NOT part of the book listed above–this is totally my take on things.

If men want to feel “they have what it takes” and we want to feel Lovely–what better way than letting a man be a man–in his house.  The more he’s in charge, making decisions, guiding and directing–the more confident he’ll feel in his role as a husband and a man. The more I choose to submit to his direction, guidance, and dominance the more feminine and cherished I feel.  All of a sudden when my phone buzzes and I get a text that says, “How’s my girl today?” or “Are you behaving?” I feel adorable, loveable and, yes, captivating.

Many of us did not have a father who told us “Yes, you are Lovely!”  Stasi says, (I lied, another quote):  From them we learn that we are delighted in, that we are special…..or that we are not.  How a father relates to his daughter has an enormous effect on her soul–for good or for evil.  Numerous studies have shown that women who report a close and caring relationship with their fathers, who received assurance, enjoyment, and approval from them during their childhood, suffer less from eating disorders or depression and developed a strong sense of personal identity and positive self-esteem.”

I read that and said, “well that explains the anorexia.”   But the thing we miss–or at least I missed the fullness of–is that we may not have had a father who affirmed who we were, but we have a husband, spouse or partner that can affirm us.  If they’re like mine, they’re just waiting for us to approach them.   He’s the reason I don’t have anorexia anymore.  But he’s also the reason that I’m confident in who I am.  As I reaffirm him as a man, by honoring him and seeking his advice on anything and everything, he then cherishes me and cares for me, inquiring how I am several times a day.

Be the first one to take the plunge–start submitting and reaffirming him as a man, ask his opinions–“Honey, what do you think I should do?” or “Do you want me to do that?” or “I was thinking of doing______, is that okay with you or do you want me to do something different?”   Try it.  I dare you.  See how different your relationship becomes. Start texting him during the day–send sexy pictures that show suggestively what you’ll do to him later.  Sexting has become a daily occurrence for us now. Send spanking pictures or dominant pictures and say, “What’re you doing later?”   I’m telling you he’ll come home ready and you’ll feel cherished and loveable—and above all, Captivating!!

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8 thoughts on “We All Want To Be Captivating

  • Casey McKay

    I really liked this post! I remember one time a few years ago, I think it was before we were married, my husband said something to me like, "Wow, you look really beautiful in that dress." And I made a noise- I probably felt fat or like it didn't look right, or really just less than beautiful, so I kind of shrugged him off, made a disbelieving sound and tried to move on. But he stopped me and was like "Why can't you just take a compliment? I'm not lying. But if you don't want me to tell you you''re beautiful, then I won't."

    I was like- wait, no, I like hearing that! It was just hard to believe, I didn't think it and I thought he was just saying it to be nice. In reality don't we want to hear that every day? I like compliments and I want them, so I needed to shut up and just say thanks. It got easier to accept them, and sometimes I even believe him 😉

  • Meredith O'Reilly

    Megan, I love your posts about this type of stuff! You always make it very relate able, which I like. I read some posts and I feel like the author is just bs-ing stuff. I'm sorry to hear about your anorexia. I'm glad that you got through it! 🙂 I feel like all women these days have eating problems because society portrays that if you aren't a size 0 then you're fat. Which isn't the case, considering the average pant size for women in America is size 16.

    I really liked this post and I hope to read more! You have me wanting to read this book! 🙂

    • Megan Michaels

      I'm glad you liked it. Yeah society doesn't help women at all with regard to self image and feeling Lovely!! This is definitely a good book and the companion book for men, Wild at Heart is good also. This husband and wife team definitely make you think and ponder. Our identity is not tied up in our size or the bathroom scale!! You have a good day, Meredith.