Sassy, Submissive or Non-Confrontational
The question in our house this week has been: Am I Submissive or Non-Confrontational?
I was talking to a friend online last week and was telling her how I had been discussing whether I’m submissive with my husband and, being the good friend she is, she readily agreed that I’m submissive regardless of my husband’s reaction. LOL See, I had been telling my husband how “lucky” he was that I’m pretty much (*coughs*) submissive. He immediately started to laugh and continued to laugh louder and louder as I was trying to plead my case which, in all reality, probably makes a case against me, right?
But I was telling him how several of my friends have said things like, “Oh if someone tells me what to do, especially a man, I will do the exact opposite.” Or “I tend to get really mad if a man tells me what to do.” I was telling him how in all reality I almost always comply with what he asks. I’m a little mouthy about it all, but overall I do what he asks, suggests or tells me to do.
This of course turned into a discussion on voicing opinions, being sassy or quiet submission. I then said well how much of that is nature vs. nurture, which also led to a discussion on intelligence and being a strong woman. I question things. It’s who I am. It’s what makes me a good employee and why I learn quickly. It was a good discussion and we kept it light and fun.
I have always been sassy, definition below:
lively, bold, and full of spirit; cheeky.
One of my mother’s favorite stories was about a Greyhound bus trip she took with me when I was three. It was dark and most of the bus was sleeping, including me. The bus driver turned a corner sharply and I fell out of the seat into the aisle. Before she could grab me, I marched up the aisle and stood next to the bus driver with my hands on my hips and said loudly and with a lot of attitude “What in the name of Hell are you doing? You need to slow down and be careful.” She said I marched back to the seat and said to her, “There. That’s better!”
So in my defense, I’m always going to be sassy to some extent. I’ve spoken my mind apparently since I was able to talk. A lot of that was changed by my strict parents and by the very strict nuns. But overall, it’s who I am. We’ve been experimenting for almost two years now and it appears that my husband has decided that he wants to kick it up a notch and really delve into TTWD. He has said frequently this week, “Training you is going to be a lot of work. I think I’m ready for the task.” Mmmmm, the phrase, “be careful what you ask for” comes to mind.
The conversation with my husband ended with me saying, “Surprise me. Do something fun when I’m not expecting it. Something a little humiliating and embarrassing!”
Yesterday while discussing this with another online friend, she said “Are you sure you aren’t just non-confrontational instead of submissive?” Well that threw a monkey wrench into my thinking. I am non-confrontational. Well, Frick! Maybe instead of being submissive, I just don’t want to argue?? That’s a possibility. So maybe I am just a non-confrontational, sassy, intelligent, strong woman who will always be a little troublesome? That seemed like a good possibility.
Fast forward a couple hours. I’m putting laundry away trudging up the stairs with my arms full of clean clothes. As I’m putting them away, I hear the bedroom door close and the hubby says, “Take your clothes off.” I looked over my shoulder and he was lying on the bed with his arms behind his head.
I said, “I have laundry to put away and I want to take a shower.”
Without hesitation he said to me, “I didn’t ask you what you were doing. Take. Your. Clothes Off.”
“Why now? I’m so busy!” I whined. I heard the whine in my voice, but couldn’t seem to stop it.
He immediately got up and rounded the bed toward me, grabbing the handy concrete paint stirrer on his way, swatting my bottom several times until I said, “Okay, fine. I’m taking them off.” While I was undressing, he went back to lying on the bed.
I stood staring at him and he said, “Go to the end of the bed and stand by my feet.” When I got there, he then said, “Turn around and bend over.”
I literally turned into a four year old I think. I gasped and said, “Oh, No! I can’t do that!”
“Should I get the cane?”
I quickly did as requested. I have never been so embarrassed and humiliated in my life. I still blush thinking about it. But I couldn’t keep my mouth shut. I kept saying, “Oh my God, I can’t believe you’re doing this to me. When can I stop? I need to stop doing this or I am going to die. Can we stop, please?!!” LOL Thankfully, it ended quickly. He swatted my bottom laughing and said, “My God, you’re going to kill me.”
So today I was searching traits of a submissive to prove my point and had just about decided that the only way to be submissive was to be a church mouse. She is quiet, always kneeling, rarely making eye contact, never questions, never raises her voice, she is stressed coping with everyday life issues on her own, she looks to the dominant for everything and anything, etc After reading that I had decided maybe I don’t have a submissive bone in my body. So my last search brought me to a blog called Liberate One. The Dom on this site has a blog post titled, What a Dominant Looks For in a Submissive (Part 2). It was a great post and here is what I walked away with:
“Something I look for in a submissive is strength. I think the best
submissives are strong and intelligent. This can sometimes make them a little
more difficult to train, but training them is very satisfying. A strong woman
determined to be the best submissive she can be is a beautiful thing. She will
learn that her submission goes beyond just doing what she is told. She will
come to understand that her submission is not a surrender of herself but an
embracing and an improvement of herself.
Something else I look for is intelligence. Does the submissive have to be a
genius? No. But I like a submissive with whom I can carry on a reasonable
conversation. But more than that, I think a smart submissive will learn better
and understand more. Submission is more than just doing what one is told by a
Dominant. Submission is not a path to being a robot with no will or thoughts of
one’s own. On the contrary, being a good submissive requires will and thought.
To be a truly good submissive requires the desire to submit, and also
understanding, wisdom and intelligent thought.”
So in conclusion, I have not a clue. I think I am a combination of the above and I think I will change and evolve just like our relationship has changed and evolved.
What is your take on submission? What do you see as traits of a submissive? I would love to hear! How do you see yourself?