Sassy, Submissive or Non Confrontational? 14

Sassy, Submissive or Non-Confrontational

The question in our house this week has been:  Am I Submissive or Non-Confrontational?

I was talking to a friend online last week and was telling her how I had been discussing whether I’m submissive with my husband and, being the good friend she is, she readily agreed that I’m submissive regardless of my husband’s reaction. LOL  See, I had been telling my husband how “lucky” he was that I’m pretty much (*coughs*) submissive.  He immediately started to laugh and continued to laugh louder and louder as I was trying to plead my case which, in all reality, probably makes a case against me, right?  

But I was telling him how several of my friends have said things like, “Oh if someone tells me what to do, especially a man, I will do the exact opposite.”  Or “I tend to get really mad if a man tells me what to do.”  I was telling him how in all reality I almost always comply with what he asks.  I’m a little mouthy about it all, but overall I do what he asks, suggests or tells me to do.   

This of course turned into a discussion on voicing opinions, being sassy or quiet submission.  I then said well how much of that is nature vs. nurture, which also led to a discussion on intelligence and being a strong woman.  I question things. It’s who I am.  It’s what makes me a good employee and why I learn quickly.  It was a good discussion and we kept it light and fun.  

I have always been sassy, definition below:


adjective: sassy; comparative adjective: sassier; superlative adjective: sassiest

lively, bold, and full of spirit; cheeky. 

One of my mother’s favorite stories was about a Greyhound bus trip she took with me when I was three.  It was dark and most of the bus was sleeping, including me.   The bus driver turned a corner sharply and I fell out of the seat into the aisle.  Before she could grab me, I marched up the aisle and stood next to the bus driver with my hands on my hips and said loudly and with a lot of attitude “What in the name of Hell are you doing? You need to slow down and be careful.”  She said I marched back to the seat and said to her, “There. That’s better!”

So in my defense, I’m always going to be sassy to some extent.  I’ve spoken my mind apparently since I was able to talk.  A lot of that was changed by my strict parents and by the very strict nuns.  But overall, it’s who I am.  We’ve been experimenting for almost two years now and it appears that my husband has decided that he wants to kick it up a notch and really delve into TTWD.  He has said frequently this week, “Training you is going to be a lot of work.  I think I’m ready for the task.”  Mmmmm, the phrase, “be careful what you ask for” comes to mind. 

The conversation with my husband ended with me saying, “Surprise me.  Do something fun when I’m not expecting it.  Something a little humiliating and embarrassing!”  

Yesterday while discussing this with another online friend, she said “Are you sure you aren’t just non-confrontational instead of submissive?”  Well that threw a monkey wrench into my thinking.  I am non-confrontational.  Well, Frick!  Maybe instead of being submissive, I just don’t want to argue??  That’s a possibility.  So maybe I am just a non-confrontational, sassy, intelligent, strong woman who will always be a little troublesome?   That seemed like a good possibility. 

Fast forward a couple hours.  I’m putting laundry away trudging up the stairs with my arms full of clean clothes.  As I’m putting them away, I hear the bedroom door close and the hubby says, “Take your clothes off.” I looked over my shoulder and he was lying on the bed with his arms behind his head.  

I said, “I have laundry to put away and I want to take a shower.”

Without hesitation he said to me, “I didn’t ask you what you were doing.  Take. Your. Clothes Off.”

“Why now?  I’m so busy!” I whined.  I heard the whine in my voice, but couldn’t seem to stop it.  

He immediately got up and rounded the bed toward me, grabbing the handy concrete paint stirrer on his way, swatting my bottom several times until I said, “Okay, fine.  I’m taking them off.” While I was undressing, he went back to lying on the bed. 

I stood staring at him and he said, “Go to the end of the bed and stand by my feet.”  When I got there, he then said, “Turn around and bend over.”  

I literally turned into a four year old I think.  I gasped and said, “Oh, No!  I can’t do that!” 

“Should I get the cane?”

I quickly did as requested.  I have never been so embarrassed and humiliated in my life.  I still blush thinking about it.  But I couldn’t keep my mouth shut.  I kept saying, “Oh my God, I can’t believe you’re doing this to me.  When can I stop?  I need to stop doing this or I am going to die. Can we stop, please?!!”  LOL  Thankfully, it ended quickly.  He swatted my bottom laughing and said, “My God, you’re going to kill me.”   

So today I was searching traits of a submissive to prove my point and had just about decided that the only way to be submissive was to be a church mouse.  She is quiet, always kneeling, rarely making eye contact, never questions, never raises her voice, she is stressed coping with everyday life issues on her own, she looks to the dominant for everything and anything, etc  After reading that I had decided maybe I don’t have a submissive bone in my body.  So my last search brought me to a blog called Liberate One.  The Dom on this site has a blog post titled, What a Dominant Looks For in a Submissive (Part 2).   It was a great post and here is what I walked away with:  

“Something I look for in a submissive is strength. I think the best
submissives are strong and intelligent. This can sometimes make them a little
more difficult to train, but training them is very satisfying. A strong woman
determined to be the best submissive she can be is a beautiful thing. She will
learn that her submission goes beyond just doing what she is told. She will
come to understand that her submission is not a surrender of herself but an
embracing and an improvement of herself.

Something else I look for is intelligence. Does the submissive have to be a
genius? No. But I like a submissive with whom I can carry on a reasonable
conversation. But more than that, I think a smart submissive will learn better
and understand more. Submission is more than just doing what one is told by a
Dominant. Submission is not a path to being a robot with no will or thoughts of
one’s own. On the contrary, being a good submissive requires will and thought.
To be a truly good submissive requires the desire to submit, and also
understanding, wisdom and intelligent thought.”

So in conclusion, I have not a clue.   I think I am a combination of the above and I think I will change and evolve just like our relationship has changed and evolved. 

What is your take on submission?  What do you see as traits of a submissive? I would love to hear!  How do you see yourself? 

Leave a comment

Your email address will not be published.

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.

14 thoughts on “Sassy, Submissive or Non Confrontational?

  • abby

    I think it takes a strong woman to be a submissive. Think about it..submitting to the will of another….should not be an easy talk. Does that mean you have no voice….not for me, i am encouraged to voice my thoughts, even when we disagree…but i must be calm and respectful. Who wants a puppet for a partner?? Love your blog entries….and your writing.
    hugs abby

  • Casey McKay

    First of all Megan, you crack me up! I have thought about this a lot too. I think I am just laid back. We end up doing what my husband wants to do most of the time because I would rather just do what he wants to do. I don't think that makes me submissive– it probably makes me a lazy decision maker, LOL.

  • Tara Finnegan

    What a great blog post. I love your conclusion!!!
    I think you're right about people constantly evolving and changing too. The laundry story had me cracking up, that's exactly how it would happen in this house too. It'd be something like for God's sake can't you see I'm busy doing your laundry – now would you mind helping me please?
    Lol How do I see myself as a submissive? – I don't!! But I think you already know that 🙂

  • PK Corey

    Excellent post! I like your conclusion and I love that your husband wants to kick it up a notch. I want to be submissive so much (I think). But you can't be submissive, you can't follow if your husband doesn't want to lead. How luck you both are that you're willing to take this journey together.

  • Kathryn R. Blake

    Love this post, Megan, and I definitely agree as long as your questions are not demeaning or argumentative, you should be able to ask them. Also, I'm curious. When you were bent over before him, was he just admiring the view, or doing some touching, too? In any case, you are who you are, and he obviously loves you for that as well as the challenge you represent. You'll have to keep us informed. Great post!

    • Megan Michaels

      Hi Kathryn! I think intelligence is an aphrodisiac—I know he and I see it that way. When I was bent over he was just admiring the view and laughing at my ridiculousness!! LOL I will definitely keep you all posted!!

  • Leigh Smith

    Late to the party, but this was a wonderful post. I don't think submissive means being a slave. There may be men who want that but I think they are in the minority. Most men just want to be respected and heard, I'm not even going to say obeyed.

    • Megan Michaels

      Lol. That says a lot. My husband seems to be spreading his wings and I find myself submitting daily now. Some minor and some difficult demands–and I see myself struggling internally but complying without threats. Lol. So I am evolving and growing. It has added to our relationship But I think I'm always going to be troublesome on some level!

  • Trent Evans

    First off, that laundry story? That's smokin' hot. I'm glad Kathryn asked the question I was thinking:)

    I'll echo Leigh a bit here. Most men really want — when you get right down to it — to be listened to, and respected. I think Dominants just take that to another level, and sort of formalize that need in a way. Am I saying that all men are closet Doms? Not in the least, But I am saying that those needs are common to many men — whether they be kinky OR vanilla.

    As for what type of submissive you are? I think most of us, Dom or sub alike, are a pastiche of traits and personality quirks. So, I tend to think of submissives as being on a continuum.

    At one end you'd have your very meek, quiet, uber obedient submissive. Someone who might be perceived (usually incorrectly) as a doormat, but who might very well be someone who instead hoves more toward the Master/slave dynamic than that of the Dominant/submissive dynamic.

    On the other end of that continuum, you might have the defiant "brat" — someone who never seems to obey without delivering plenty of lip.

    All parts of that continuum are valid — they're just variations of submission. What's more, the same submissive might find herself periodically moving toward one end or the other of that continuum at different points in her life. Again, this is totally valid.

    This fluidity might explain the uncertainty some submissives might feel about what "kind" of submissive they may be, IMO as long it works for you and your partner, just do it. The label doesn't really matter:)

    Excellent, thought-provoking post as usual, Megan!

  • Sophie Kisker

    Love this post! . I don’t know what the answer is. But I do know that I’m lying here on the couch reading your blog, suddenly aware that I agreed one of the few rules we have is that I will make and serve coffee to him every morning. It’s 9am and I haven’t done a thing. Submission, to me, is when I haul my butt off the comfy couch to do something I promised to do, without arguing. Gotta go!