G = Good Girl vs Bad Girl #SpankA2Z 4

G = Good Girl vs. Bad Girl

I love hearing Good Girl.  I smile like a goof just reading it or hearing it. About three years ago I read a book and in it the Dom would routinely say “good girl” or “girl” or “how’s my girl?”  I melted just reading it, so I went to the husband and said, “I’d like you to start calling me your girl, or tell me I’m a good girl or just call me girl.”  He didn’t hesitate.  So I routinely will get texts that say, “How’s my girl?” or “That’s my girl” or  “Have you been a good girl today?”  

In the course of the day I’ll list something I plan to do or will say something in a text, and I love receiving a response that says, “Good Girl”.  I stand with a silly grin on my face. I know I’m not alone, it feels nice to hear it.  Women love being called a Good Girl. 

For me, it was very, VERY unusual to hear that phrase.  As I stated earlier this week, being abused comes with it’s own share of baggage and good girl and bad girl each come with their own emotions attached to them.  Because I didn’t hear that phrase at home, it’s startling and so edifying, it’s hard to put it into words.   I said recently, “I’ll do just about anything for a couple ‘good girls.'” I mean that.  I’d do just about anything if the reward is Good Girl.  

I think if men knew how much we respond to Good Girl, they’d say it waaaaaay more often.  My husband has been amazed at how much mileage he can get with just one and how it can transform my mood almost immediately.  

But on the flip side Bad Girl can have the same effect unless it’s said seriously or when I’ve truly done something wrong. Let me explain. 

If I’m doing something I’m not supposed to, but it isn’t a serious issue, like going over my budget for books or lifting something I shouldn’t, due to my recent surgery, I’ll hear or get a text — Bad Girl.  I find myself smiling and getting the same flippy feeling in my stomach as if he’d said Good Girl.  There’s a playfulness and a threat of spanking, it’s a warming feeling. And as I’ve heard recently, “Bad girl is as much a reward to you as good girl.”  True.  And because of that, “bad girl” has been withheld as punishment as well as good girl.  

But, if I’ve really done something wrong, bad girl has a completely different effect.  For example, I would never text and drive, but I have done talk-to-text while driving, which is never accurate and then found myself trying to  “fix” it while driving.  So the rule has become that I am to never use talk-to-text while driving.  Before my surgery, I did talk-to-text only briefly while driving and had been caught.  I received a “Bad Girl” on my phone and then silence. Again, I think due to my child abuse, having Bad Girl said in an angry voice or in a situation where I am indeed a bad girl brings back feelings that are  probably within the range of traumatic.  That doesn’t mean that I want Bad Girl to go away. I like hearing bad girl as much as good girl. So we’ve adjusted when and how it’s said, to keep my stress level down.  

I think the amazing thing is the emotions attached to either of them.  Again, I think if men knew how much of our emotions are attached to hearing Good Girl or Bad Girl, they’d find opportunities to reward or punish us with those words. It’s amazing the the effect after all these years.