Friends for a Reason and a Season… 18

Friends for a Reason and a Season….

I was telling someone recently, that there are people who come into your life for a season or reason.  When you are young, you believe you will have your friends from your twenties forever.  And sometimes we do, I have a friend I have had since I was seven. My husband has a friend he has had since he was seventeen.  But some only stay for a short time.  For a reason or a season.

That statement above will offend some and yet for others, it will click and make sense.  Looking back on my life, I can see the reason and season for almost all my friends.  That statement makes it sound so harsh.  But in reality, there is nothing harsh or cold about it.  It’s absolutely the truth.  It doesn’t mean I didn’t love them, it doesn’t mean I didn’t cry when they left and it doesn’t mean that I don’t miss them still.

We had a child who had sleep apnea (and wore a monitor 24/7) and colic (yes, it was  a very difficult time) and an 18 month old daughter.   Family and friends would not watch our son at all.  We became prisoners in our house unable to leave to even go to the grocery store, unless my spouse was home.  We had a neighbor who was in her late 50s – early 60s a lovely Greek woman, who contained more love than any woman I have met since.  She knocked on my door one day while my son was screaming yet again. She pronounced that “nothing is wrong with this baby and people are stupid” and grabbed him out of my arms, saying to me “Go!  Get out of this house now.  Go to the store or sit in the park.  I will watch your babies.  Why are people so stupid?”   I remember crying in my car at the graciousness and love of this neighbor I had never met.   She watched my kids for two to three hours one day a week (or more if needed) for five years.   My son learned his first song at ten months and it was Greek children’s song, with hand motions to go with it.  I was never happier in my whole life.  She and her husband became inseparable with my children.   We moved away to a new neighborhood.  We kept in touch visiting often until it became once a year visits and then we drifted from that.  I haven’t seen her in seven years.  She was there for a reason and a season.

There was a church we ended up at when my kids were teenagers.  I never liked this church and wasn’t sure I liked the people, but we continued there because my husband worked with some of the men and I wanted to encourage him as head of household.  That little church was definitely there for a reason.  My son was bullied at his school so bad, he almost killed himself. It was the love and support of that little church that kept us going.  They loved and supported us through that horrible ordeal.  Many of the members home-schooled and they were able to help me get curriculum and walked me through that scary path until I was completely successful as a home school mom.

We have had friends that have lasted thirty years in our lives, some more and some less.  Some friends have moved and some, sadly, have died.  We miss them all and have fond memories of these people.  Some were ballet moms.  Some were PTA moms, parents of sports members, parents of fellow band and orchestra classmates.  Some of these friends have been fellow work friends that you talked to daily, enjoying their company so much you socialized in the evenings and on the weekends.  Life happens.  You moved to a different department.  They got laid off.  Kids graduated and went to college.  Kids dropped out of ballet, horseback riding, soccer, karate, and swimming.  Again, you thought you would be friends with these people forever.  After all, you had coffee two to three times a week, you ate dinners together.  Your husbands were friends, your kids were friends.  But, one day you look over your shoulder and realize that you haven’t seen them in two months, two years, or seven years.

Many times there wasn’t a reason you stopped talking, you just drifted away.  Other times the “break up” with these friends was heartbreaking.  But after the wounds have healed, when you can look back with no anger and no tears, you can find the reason why the two of you were together.  Again, there is nothing wrong with that.  It is okay to look back and realize that this parent helped you maneuver the special education system at school.  There was no other purpose. This person encouraged you to continue college in your forties, when it seems hopeless.  No other reason.This person helped you when your mom died.  She helped care for your kids,cooking meals and picking them up from school.  She supported you and was a shoulder to cry on for two years during her death and the year after.

I appreciate these friends for a season and a reason.  I look back fondly on these friends.  Today when I look at my current friends, I wonder where they will be in a few years.  When I look over my shoulder, where will these friends be…I wonder.

As I said to a friend recently…I hope you stay for a long time, I really like you.  I meant that.  But I also know that no matter how many tears I cry and how much I miss them–whether they stay or they leave–they all have a little room in my heart and I love to open the door and visit with them.


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18 thoughts on “Friends for a Reason and a Season…

  • abby

    Such a meaningful and well written post. It brought back memories for me…of friends for a season, of friends for a reason…..we need both in our lives. Thanks
    hugs abby

  • PK Corey

    Megan, loved this post. I've lived in the same little town all my life so I have friends that have been in my life since I can remember. But I began thinking of the other stages in my life, high school, college, various jobs, neighbors… and blogging friends. All stages have presented wonderful friends. I appreciate you making me think of them all.

  • Katherine Deane

    Megan, I love it when you post like this. Your words are so beautiful and meaningful, and they touch me. 🙂

    I loved this post, because I have had talks with friends about this very thing. the reason for the friendships, and how long they were meant to be the blessing they were.

    I loved this post, and I almost cried as well.
    (I must be having a weird moment. I always cry)

  • Tara Finnegan

    Such beautiful thoughts and sentiments, and no it doesn't sound harsh at all to say there are friends for a season and a reason. People do have a way of appearing into your life for no reason just when you need them most. And chances are they need you at that point just as much as you need them. You give to one another. Your Greek neighbour sounds amazing, a very giving person.

    It's sad but true that life does move on, and lives are often so busy that the time drifts past before you know it. So often friendships slip, not out of unkindness or callousness but because that's the way it's supposed to be, even if it hurts for a time.

    Life is transient, relationships are transient and that old adage it's better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all is true in so many different types of relationship, not just romantic ones. Thank you so much for making me stop for a while and think of those friends who meant so much in their season. <3

  • Ruth Staunton

    This post hits on so many emotions. I very much have seen the truth of it in my own life as well. Like I said yesterday, at this stage in my life, I am very grateful for my online friends who get things that the people in my real life don't always get.

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